Subscribe to PostsI am thrilled to present my first piece for the the Insomnia Club. The Insomnia Club is a collection of talented bloggers writers that gather once a month to write about the same topic.
Rather unexpectedly, in the back of a cab, Chad leaned in for a slow, gentle kiss. His lips were like soft little pillows and his breath smelled of berries and mint. He cradled my chin with his fingertips as he kissed me. I kept my eyes open the entire time.
This was not meant to be a date. Chad and I had met a few weeks prior during a tweet-up at Posh. We casually chatted on the phone a few times and then, what was suppose to be a friendly brunch had turned into a tipsy tour of West Village pet stores followed by more drinks, dinner and finally, in the back of a cab somewhere near Columbus Circle, that slow, smoldering kiss that would restore my faith in romance.
Oh, no, romance is definitely not dead. In the weeks that followed, Chad flooded my phone with sweet, endearing text messages. Our evenings were spent holding hands while roaming around the Upper West Side or making goo-goo eyes at one another over candle-lit dinners in fancy restaurants. Near the fountain in Central Park, the sun sank behind the Midtown skyline and again, he cupped my face in his hands and gently kissed me. I never shut my eyes.
It was on his birthday, while I was nestled in the nook of his smooth, muscular arm, that he told me how special I was. No one has made him feel this way in a long time. And finally, I let go. I surrendered all doubt and worry. I gave up all hesitation and allowed myself to believe that this could be it. Chad could be The One. Of course, I never said this out loud. I remained quiet, enveloped in his arms with his warm breath on the back of my neck.
And then, just three days after suggesting that we should be exclusive, Chad disappeared. He cancelled our Friday night date and on Saturday, stopped taking my calls. By Sunday, my texts were left unanswered. He also disappeared from Twitter and while I struggled to understand what had happened, our mutual friends silently shrugged with an awkward apprehension.
I was angry. I was hurt. I was confused. In the days that followed, I numbly sat at my desk and blankly stared at the computer screen with glazed-over eyes. At night, I tossed and turned, wide awake, asking myself a million questions. What happened? Did I do something to scare Chad away? Was I too intense? Did I say or do something wrong? Was there someone else? Did he mean anything he ever said to me? Was it all a game? I yearned for answers. I ached for closure. Even though my eyes were open the entire time, I’d never felt more in the dark.
More Totally Tyler: Click Here to read why fingers are important. Especially during sex.
Check out other members of the Insomniac Club:
The Book of Love Was Written By a Sadist
Join the Conversation, Leave A Reply
NikkiB
March 15th, 2011 at 10:27
Ugh. This one gets me every time – the romance-until-the-Fade…
Happened to one of my really good friends. He and this dude had been all lovey-dovey crap everywhere… talking about future, you name it. And then… the other dude disappeared. Only to re-surface on FB, back “in a relationship” with his ex!
totallytyler Reply:
March 15th, 2011 at 10:43 am
Strangely enough, that is exactly what happened to Chad. And recently, months after his disappearance, he wanted to meet to make amends and clear the air. The night we agreed to meet, he cancelled at the last minute and did what? Disappeared again.
Alex of the Urban Dater
March 15th, 2011 at 10:48
Damn, Tyler… This hurts so bad! The wreckage left behind from a fade is never easy to clean up.
“I numbly sat at my desk and blankly stared at the computer screen with glazed-over eyes”
I’ve been there. It sucks. Seriously awesome piece, man.
totallytyler Reply:
March 15th, 2011 at 10:56 am
Thanks Alex! it was messy. Nothing some vodka and good friends couldn’t help me get over, though.
Single Much
March 15th, 2011 at 14:15
LOVE this. Seriously heartbreaking. He even kissed you in front of the fountain?! That’s like a sacred romantic spot! I think we can safely say men named, “Chad” are NOT to be trusted.
totallytyler Reply:
March 15th, 2011 at 2:25 pm
He was by-the-book romantic. It killed me.
His name isn’t really Chad- I always change names to protect the not-so-innocent, but if I were you, I’d stay away from guys whose names rhyme with Chad. LOL
Skye Blue
March 15th, 2011 at 18:11
What a beautiful post. Sadly I can’t say the same about Chad.
Although I’m a firm believer that there are indeed times when Silence is the Best Closure, telling someone that they are special to you, that no one else makes you feel the way they do and then disappearing shortly after is beyond comprehension.
How do you spell Chad —> L-A-M-E!
totallytyler Reply:
March 15th, 2011 at 7:00 pm
It’s funny, months after this happened, if I think about it too much, I *still* get all angry and want answers. I know i could find him and ask him but I’d probably never believe him.
I wonder if he left me because I sometimes pick my nose?
jackie
March 15th, 2011 at 23:17
Dude. that’s heartbreaking. Been there, feel your pain. Thank you for sharing.
JFB
totallytyler Reply:
March 15th, 2011 at 11:22 pm
It’s ok. I quickly started having rebound flings with a guy named Jack Daniels.
Man-shopper
March 16th, 2011 at 14:49
Bad form, Chad, very bad form indeed. Pulling the Fade after weeks and weeks of all this lovely romance? This is unacceptable abuse of the Fade. That kind of heartbreak is all the more frustrating that you can’t put closure on it.
That rebound fling with Jack Daniels, I’m sure that it helped with the healing? My rebound affair with Glenlivet definitely did the trick.
totallytyler Reply:
March 16th, 2011 at 2:55 pm
Where would we be without our alcohol?!
j
March 25th, 2011 at 11:16
Beautifully written and incredibly heartbreaking.
totallytyler Reply:
March 27th, 2011 at 5:36 pm
Thank you for reading!