It was the morning after a hellacious night out filled with countless martini’s that I found myself in one of those mega-bodegas. You know, those super fancy bodegas with gigantic buffets and massive deli counters? In search of something to settle my vodka-soaked stomach, I circled the buffet several times, spying such breakfast favorites like scrambled eggs, waffles, bacon, hash browns, sausage (patties and links!) and french toast. Just before I lapped around again to make my final decision, I spied a man at a bank of torueens, dipping out a heaping ladle of what appeared to be sausage gravy. Yes! I love biscuits and gravy! What a perfect thing to eat when you’re hung over and want to fill your boozy belly full of comfort food! I grabbed a large plastic to-go box, tossed in a couple of piping hot biscuits from the buffet and marched over to the torueens. I joyfully scooped not one but two ladlefuls of sausage gravy and smothered those biscuits! Yummy! I smiled as I tossed cash towards the friendly clerk and nearly ran to my office. I was so excited to dive into my delicious breakfast! I closed my office door, plopped into my chair and snapped open the to-go box. I mashed my fork into the biscuit and wedged a ridiculously large piece of gravy-drenched biscuit into my eager, watering mouth.
Only it wasn’t gravy.
It was oatmeal.
Really soupy oatmeal.
And those little chunks that I thought were pieces of tangy sausage?
Those were sad little pieces of blueberries.
I have never been more disappointed with anything I’ve ever put in my mouth, ever.