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The transgender military ban is a distraction from healthcare reform!
Healthcare reform is a distraction from Russia!
Russia is a distraction from the tweets!
The tweets are a distraction from the wall!
The wall is a distraction from the Boy Scouts speech!
The Boy Scouts speech is a distraction from the transgender military ban!

Y’all need to shut the hell up with this distraction business. I’m an event planner, after all, and I can multitask in my sleep! I make a living planning multiple weddings at the same time. I’m able to chew gum and walk at the same time. I can pat my head while rubbing my tummy. I can cook dinner and effortlessly execute Janet Jackson’s “Miss You Much” choreography at the same time, too (although I might splatter chocolate chip pancake batter on the ceiling.) And, believe it or not, I can even follow two or three different news stories at the same time!

Real talk: Nothing is a distraction. All of Trumplethinskin’s actions are connected, like complicated parts of an intricate, sinister web. Every single thing he does deserves your highest level of scrutiny. And if your attention span is shot to shit…if you’re that much of a Hot Mess Express that you have difficulty doing two things at the same time, please tell me now so that I’ll know to never invite you over to my apartment for a threeway.