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Let’s say that you’re out on a romantic date with a um, certain handsome bald, bearded man. And let’s say that you decide to crack a joke at the bald, bearded man’s expense. (Well, you think it’s a joke, but really, it’s a passive aggressive dig that has no punchline.) Clearly upset, the bald, bearded man then tells you that your remark really hurt his feelings.


THINGS AN ASSHOLE WOULD SAY (while yelling at the bald, bearded man in the middle of Washington Square Park.)
– I’m sorry but it was just a joke!
– I’m sorry if you didn’t get the joke!
– I’m sorry if your feelings were hurt!
– I’m sorry that you’re so sensitive!
– I said I’m sorry and it’s not my fault that you didn’t hear me say it!
– I regret saying it now!
– You’re being a baby!
– You’re acting crazy!
– This is why you’re single!

– I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings. It won’t happen again. Now let’s go home so you can lay your bald head on my chest and wrap those sexy legs around me.

It seems that people have forgotten how to offer a sincere apology. Apologies don’t have to be long diatribes peppered with flowering words. Apologies don’t need to come with extravagant gifts or a song-and-dance routine. A simple, heartfelt “I’m sorry” will suffice.

No stipulations.

No exceptions.

No if’s.

No but’s.

Just two words. |

I’m sorry.