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I was so happy on Election Day! I was teeming with a surefire confidence that Dumpster Trumpster was not going to win the election. I did spirited cartwheels all the way to my neighborhood polling station and literally duck walked out of the booth after enthusiastically pulling the lever for Hillary. That night, I excitedly donned my Election socks, slipped into a festive star spangled jock strap, and invited a few handsome guys over for an E̶r̶e̶c̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ Election Party.

I made a batch of patriotic red, white and blue frozen daiquiris called the “Chillary Clinton” and we hunkered down together to watch the results as they unfolded on CNN. Needless to say, as the night progressed, none of us were in the mood for daiquiris. We watched in horror as each state was announced. By 2 am, I was completely shellshocked, sitting alone on the cold floor of my bathroom, wiping away tears from my flushed cheeks between spells of dry heaves. Needless to say, the only dick I got that night was the one that was elected president.

When I think about the amount of blatant racism, homophobia and misogyny that I’ve seen since that night, I feel so goddamned foolish that I was surprised by the election of Grand Wizard Trumplethinskin. It all was always there, bubbling over. The results from 2017’s elections offer some hope, though. We still have to conquer November 2018. Our work has only just begun, but at least I didn’t end last night in tears, laying on the cold tiles of my bathroom floor.