The Life and Times of Totally Tyler

While at Vnyl in Hell’s Kitchen for post-concert drinks, I sat across from The Geek in the Pink and His Man and quietly sipped my Fiona Apple-tini. When I noticed they were holding hands under the table, I quickly looked away as if I’d been caught staring at someone’s zit or a woman’s cleavage.

The crowd cheered enthusiastically and the music loudly boomed throughout Madison Square Garden. The lights shimmied and flashed as I removed my hoodie and wiped sweat from my head. Madonna was on stage, wearing a white top hat and playing guitar.

On a sofa in the back of Barracuda, a dark bar in Chelsea, The Geek in the Pink cupped my face in his hands, told me to be still and then kissed me. It was meant to be a platonic kiss- a token of appreciation between two friends- but the second his lips met mine, there was a sensual charge that jolted me.

In the week that followed, The Geek made several visits to a doctor and even had to sit on a foam donut. I chose to lay low, only sending an occasional apologetic text message.

“I’m so sorry,” I said for the millionth time.

On a recent Friday night, I found myself at the Lincoln Center Cinema with The Geek in the Pink and His Man. The Geek and His Man affectionately held hands. I jumped whenever The Geek shifted in his seat, thinking he was making a play for my hand.