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COUSIN ARIE

Filed in Family by on April 19, 2015 0 Comments
COUSIN ARIE

My cousin Arie W. Lackey was born on Sunday, May 27th, 1990. It was the same day as the Indianapolis 500 and, having been born into a family of racing fanatics, he was named after the racecar driver who won the race that year, a Dutchman named Arie Luyendyk. I was just ending my junior […]

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DEAR VODKA

Filed in Booze & Booty Calls by on April 6, 2015 0 Comments
DEAR VODKA

Dear Vodka, Whether we are keeping it mellow on a hazy summer day with our juicy friend named Cranberry or pulling an all-nighter at the club with our rowdy pal named Red Bull, we’ve had so much fun together. I can throw you in a cheap and tawdry red plastic cup for a house party […]

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A FLAWLESS SATURDAY

Filed in New York City by on March 31, 2015 0 Comments
A FLAWLESS SATURDAY

On Saturday afternoon, I accidentally walked in on my new roommate in the bathroom. I had just finished my second vodka and Bai gimbo pink grapefruit cocktail and I had to pee so bad that my back teeth were floating. I flung open the bathroom door and there he was, naked, sitting backwards on the […]

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OLD FASHIONED TYLER

Filed in Deep Shit by on March 18, 2015 0 Comments
OLD FASHIONED TYLER

I have the Kindle app on my iPhone and I own one of those Nook thingies, but I rarely use them. I still prefer to read actual physical books (and this is just one corner of my bedroom.) There’s something satisfying about holding a book. The weight in my hands. The slick, glossy cover. The […]

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HAPPY 13TH BIRTHDAY, LOLA!

Filed in Family by on February 11, 2015 0 Comments
HAPPY 13TH BIRTHDAY, LOLA!

In 2002, I adopted a Daschund-mix puppy from a hillbilly lesbian in Rome, Georgia. At that time, Jilly and I were sharing a duplex in Grant Park. Jilly drove me to Rome, we met the hillbilly lesbian in the parking lot of an Auto Zone and the exchange was made. My puppy cost forty-five dollars. […]

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