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THAT BEARD ON THE B TRAIN

On a crowded B train this morning, I had a weird feeling that someone was watching me. I nonchalantly glanced around and was met with the intense gaze of a tall, handsome man standing about six people away. I thought he’d look elsewhere, as most folks do when they are...

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MARRIAGE MATERIAL

Just before the release of my first book (Your Boyfriend & Other Guys I’ve Kissed, 2011), my boyfriend dumped me, citing that I was a flirt and that I’d “never be marriage material.” I’m not gonna lie. That really stung. Of course, he went on to marry the next guy he...

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HEEY MR. OGLEVEE!

“She needs to know her place.” “Why is she so mad?” “She should take what she can get.” “She needs to shut her big fat mouth up!” “She’s too loud and ghetto!” “She’s not worth it.” “She just needs to go away.” Are these: Racist micro aggressions crusty white folks say...

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I’M JUST BROWSING

When I was a wee little boy, I developed an unexplainable bedtime habit of folding the edge of my blanket into a point and gently caressing it on my teeny tiny little fingers. Night after night, I’d softly rub that point until it was dull and the fabric was worn....

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HOW I’M DEALING WITH THE SAD

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve read a few statuses from fellow Facebookers who bravely posted about their depression, specifically their SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder, more commonly referred to as ‘seasonal depression.’) Not many know this, but I, too, suffer...

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KEEPING SCORE

I was snug as a bug, nestled in a massage chair and getting a milk and honey pedicure when a woman noisily plopped down in the chair next to me. She was an older, heavily made-up woman with big hair, dripping with blingy, expensive-looking jewelry and wrapped in a...

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WHITE PEOPLE ARE GARBAGE

Unlike statements like “I am bald” or “I take the subway to work,” when I say, “white people are garbage,” it is a nuanced statement, layered with different meanings and intentions. When I say that white people are garbage, I’m not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings....

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DON’T TALK TO DADDY THAT WAY

Guys In Their Early 20’s: “Tyler! Wyd, wyd, omg, daddy! lol, wyd, take me on a date, meme, lol, buy me new shoes, lol, wyd, I like older guys, lol, giggle, meme, wyd, pay my rent, lol, daddy, daddy, daddy, wyd, lol, wyd, wyd, wyd, who’s this Madonna woman?” Guys In...

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THANKSGIVING IS A BULLSHIT HOLIDAY

-That warm, fuzzy story about pilgrims and Native Americans happily sitting down together for a big, home cooked meal? Yeah, that never happened. At all. -In the early 1600's, Thanksgiving was not a yearly holiday. It originated as an occasional celebration white...

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ELECTION NIGHT

I was so happy on Election Day! I was teeming with a surefire confidence that Dumpster Trumpster was not going to win the election. I did spirited cartwheels all the way to my neighborhood polling station and literally duck walked out of the booth after...

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